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ROBERT CAPPUCCI is running for Senate in Winchester against incumbent Pat Jehlen. Here's our parody interview.
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THE ROB CAPPUCCI INTERVIEW
Editor: Welcome to our little TV show to be broadcast on WingCAM
R.C.: Cablecast. Broadcast is for Broadcast television
Editor: And Xerox used to be a corporation until it also became a word in the English language
R.C. Well, thank you for having me. I hope that E.D. isn't going to ban me again because I live in Medfraud
Editor: Don't worry about him. We've hired hundreds of students to throw pumpkins at him in the Salem Pumpkin Patch today. He should be well occupied until this interview reaches its conclusion. He's got the same qualifications for Executive Director as you have to be Senator
R.C. Then he must be eminently qualified?
Editor: If you say so. You can read all about it in our upcoming PRIME TIME public access newsletter.
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Editor/Host: By the way, Mr. Cappucci, Michael Moore sat in that very seat for his interview.
Candidate Cappucci jumps up, swearing like Paul Camuso on a packie run, brushes himself off.
R.C."I'll stand."
Editor/Host: Suit yourself. CBS News would rather you sit but we aren't cablecasting on CBS News
John DiMascio, Cappucci Campaign manager: Oh and CBS isn't another Progressive Propaganda Spin machine ??? Joe, this guy Obama can only make so many speeches..... He announced a failed policy and when people get their heads around it, they'll see it for what it is.... by the way, I'll take the seat.
Editor: But John, your candidate isn't competing with Obama, who isn't running again, Pat Jehlen is his opponent.
John DiMascio: Pat Jehlen is irrelevant. This campaign is about defeating Obama. Obama, Obama, OBAMA!
Rib Cappucci: It's nice to be here on Virtual Radio, even though I usually don't talk to Democrats. I want to kill all Democrats.
John DiMascio: Rob means he wants to kill them at the polls
Rob Cappucci: No, I think we should kill all Democrats as in kill them.
Editor: So you think you can win purely on Republican votes in a blue state against a powerful incumbent like Senator Jehlen?
John DiMascio: Obama is our true opponent, aren't you listening to me. Jehlen is irrelevant. Obama is slipping in the polls, we are united against Obama
Host: I have Senator Jehlen on the phone right now. Senator, say hi to candidate Rob Cappucci.
Senator Jehlen:Why? He wants to kill me.
Host/Editor: Good point, Senator Jehlen. By the way, Rob Cappucci accuses you personally of being the mastermind behind gays and abortion.
Senator Jehlen: I can assure you, Joe, none of my gay male friends have ever had an abortion. But Rob has.
Editor/Host: Senator Jehlen, are you declaring on access television that Rob Cappucci has had an abortion?
Senator Jehlen: If not for Roe vs. Wade and the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution Mr. Cappucci wouldn't have been able to run this abortion of a campaign ...(CLICK)
Rob Cappucci: Senator Jehlen..., Senator Jehlen....? She hung up on me!
Editor: Yes, she did.
Rob Cappucci: Well, sir, I want your viewers to know that I am a pro-life candidate. If we didn't allow babies to be born to drug-addled parents we would have no storylines for Law & Order SVU and no new soldiers to fight and die in Bush's 100 Year War against Saddam Hussein.
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John Dimascio: Here, HEAR!
Host: So you want to stop abortion so that you can kill the baby 25 years later in useless war.
Rob Cappucci: How is it useless? The Republican party's strategy was to sell to Democrats that we would steal the Iraqi oil supply, all the while Dick Cheney and Blackwater were actually stealing dollars and lives from hard-working Americans. It's very Capitalistic and very Republican.
John DiMascio: HERE HEAR!!!!
Rob Cappucci: Everyone has to die sometime, as long as the Republicans profit from it. We pro-life Republicans give a baby a chance to live so that we can kill them later in a great Republican-crafted war, especially the Democrat ones. Kill all Democrats.
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Host: What about the allegation that Dick Cheney started the war so that he can harvest the organs of our soldiers for all his variety of transplants?
Cappucci: Organ harvesting is big business and Republicans are all about big business, especially using "friendly fire" to kill all Democrats. We Republicans can then harvest the organs and/or eat them to build a great new Republican empire.
John DiMascio: Amen. Cheney good, Obama bad.
Host: Let's talk about your stand on Agenda 21
Rob Cappucci: I'm not finished. All the tiny babies that Senator Jehlen and Doctor Obama personally aborted could have grown to be humans for Republicans to harvest the organs of.
Host: I see, Mr. Cappucci. Now back to Agenda 21. Citizens of Medford heard you rant and ramble at the City Council about Agenda 21. Most residents think you are as nutty as candidate Martin. What do you think?
Cappucci: God bless Jeanne Martin. No matter what you think of her using you for your ideas and then throwing you under the bus, Jeanne's weekly digression from her own topics and going off-topic on her own petitions certainly make this candidate look like Ronald Reagan by comparison.
Editor: Let them eat jelly beans indeed! Now back to this Agenda 21 fruit-cup lunacy you serve up at the City Council. How in the name of heaven are you going to be able to win if you attack Democrats - n a blue state - and continue to say stupid things at the Council that resemble candidate Jeanne Martin on steroids?
Cappucci: Well, if idiots couldn't win, how did Camuso get elected?
Host: I see, so just because Councilor Camuso runs Gilligan's Island at the Council each week...
Cappucci: Exactly! Councilor Fred Dello Russo Jr and Novice Adam Knight are Ginger and Maryanne, sleeping in the same room, two lesbians stuck on the island.
DiMascio: Gilligan's island was the first openly gay TV show. It was a Democratic plot to institute Gay Marriage decades before...it was a foundation of depravity...
Host: 50 years before gay marriage you are now claiming that Hollywood had a pernicious plan to infiltrate America with the idea of gay marriage on Gilligan's Island?
Cappucci: Yes, like the Catholic Church having a 100 year mission statement/game plan, the Democrats look into the future for world domination and they have subliminal programming on Gilligan's Island, Get Smart, Adam 12. METV is actually a Democratic plot!!!
Host: Gilligan's Island?????
Rob Cappucci; Ask Councilor Rick Caraviello. He even has my initials. He sees the depraved activities each day in his limousine, and we have it on good word that he videotapes the hanky panky! He's RC Limo and I'm RC SS Minnow! My campaign is modeled after Paul Camuso's lack of strategy. John DiMascio is the poor man's Aunty Carol.
If a nitwit can become the City Council President, then I can become Senator. ON TO VICTORY
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Host:Thank you to Rob Cappucci, and his manager, and to McLean's Hospital for hosting this interview. Mr. Cappucci may even become Senator...Senator of the McLean's Hospital psych ward...where he and his campaign manager put their new strategy together deep in the confines of the padded cell unit...
To be continued? Not after November 4.
Erin DiBityerbelfry: But host, you've forgotten all about me?
Host: Erin, you are yesterday's news.
Erin: Oh, Thank God for big favors. Nick Lanzilli, beware!
Parody
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________________________________Anthony Gaimari: "What did you say about me?"
Editor: All due respect, Anthony, I said you weren't ready for prime time.
Anthony Gaimari, with a puzzled look on his face, asks me... "What's prime time?"
The Tubes, dedicated to Anthony Gaimari
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm6HQDKzImQ
